Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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