I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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