these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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