im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
