did you get engaged???
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She even gives head with a lisp.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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