Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
