I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
