girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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