When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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