You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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