is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
