I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
