I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
