I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
