We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
