just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
