Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
