Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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