i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
