Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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