My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
