At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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