Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
