i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
