whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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