So drunk, too bad you don't want this
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
These tits shall not be calmed
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
