Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
