and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
