im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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