I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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