I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
