I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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