So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
