bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
