I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
