We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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