Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
