I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
