I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
