It's Friday. Sex?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
