i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
