I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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