We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
