And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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