we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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