i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
