i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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