he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
They are going to name an STD after you.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize