So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
