nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
