And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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