it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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