If that was your dad, he is hot
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she told me i tasted like america
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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