Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
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