Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
