and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
