Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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