this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
