What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You may now shotgun with the bride
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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