He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
