Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
