dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
