I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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