he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
